I do not want to do job applications. I want to sit and read Harry Potter for the rest of the evening.

The power is out for over half the city, including my apartment. They keep changing the estimated time back on later and later. Currently, the on time is 11:00 pm. It’s been out since 4:30 this afternoon. Boo.

I get my hair cut on Wednesday, and I cannot wait. My bangs grow so ridiculously fast. I got them cut six weeks ago to be level with my eyebrow, and they’ve grown so long in the past six weeks that they’re halfway down my cheek now. That’s like two inches of growth in six weeks. Meanwhile, the rest of my hair has hardly grown at all.

This. Is. Ridiculous.

Oh, and my toilet’s been messed up since Thursday night, and my landlord isn’t calling me back. So I’ve been toilet-less all weekend.

And my apartment is a mess, but I just can’t bring myself to get up and clean. I just want to go to sleep. I have to be at work in 12 hours, anyway.

Ugh. Work. Three more weeks. Shoot me.

I’m really lonely.

And slightly depressed, because I’ve probably lost a friend. My best friend from college has ignored all of my attempts to contact her since January. She just ignored another one this weekend. And I don’t know what to do. She’s been calling and texting Alex for the past week, and he told her I miss her… but I guess she doesn’t care.

I had a conversation with the head band director (I’ll call him W) and Alex after school today, and it went so well. I feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. Here’s the story:

I’ve gotten to where I’m starting to fight anxiety attacks any time I think about school. I’m on the verge of having one before every single class, in addition to on my way to school. I can’t go to sleep at night because I’m so stressed out thinking about the fact that I have school the next day. Because I can’t sleep, I can’t wake up in the mornings, and I’m consistently late for work, in addition to being exhausted all day. I spend my weekends trying to relax, but I can’t, because I have to go back to school the next Monday. I’m so burned out with my job, it’s unreal. I’ve been trying to press through it without telling anyone, like I do with everything. I suppress my emotions and don’t let anyone know how I’m feeling, so I hadn’t told anyone what was going on (except I did mention it to Alex for the first time yesterday). But today, I finally told W about it as well, in addition to giving Alex more details. I didn’t think W would be too encouraging, because he usually isn’t, but he actually was. They both gave me some really good tips and advice.

I’ve just about decided that I won’t be teaching here next year. I’m trying to decide if I’ll even be teaching at all. I don’t know if it’s this particular job that’s doing this to me, or teaching in general. But I might go to grad school next year, or I might teach somewhere else. What’s stressing me out right now is that I have no backup plan. I’m hesitant to quit this job without a for sure backup, but I might have to just step out in faith.

Anyway, this post ended up being totally uncool because I kept getting distracted and I’m really tired. But it was a good conversation, I promise.

I FORGOT TO POST THIS UNTIL NOW

Okay, so last night, Alex and I went to a David Maslanka concert. Maslanka is my favorite band composer, and I’m pretty sure he’s Alex’s favorite, too. He writes the best band music ever. And he was actually in person at the concert talking about his pieces before the group played them, so it was lovely. Come to find out, he’s a REALLY weird guy, but what musician isn’t?

Anyway, it took 3 1/2 hours to get there, so Alex and I were in the car for 7 hours total. Lots of talking time. He makes me laugh so much. At one point we were speaking entirely in song lyrics. At another point, he was drinking his Dr. Pepper down in small increments and blowing across it to make a note. He ended up playing a descending chromatic scale on the bottle. So I pulled out my tuner app on my phone, and he was tuning the notes by drinking slightly more. At another point, we had about 15 minutes worth of conversation entirely in Spanish. After we left the concert, I turned on my GPS to get us back home. I turned a way I knew to be correct, but my GPS was telling us to go the other way. Alex said, “If it says ‘recalculating,’ I’m going to tell it off.” Sure enough, the GPS said “recalculating,” and Alex very angrily shouted at it… in Latin. I asked, “What did you say?” He said, “AND RANSOM CAPTIVE ISRAEL THAT MOURNS IN LOWLY EXILE HERE UNTIL THE SON OF GOD APPEAR!” Then he took to insulting my GPS in German. He shouted at it once, and I asked what he’d said. He said, “Well, my knowledge of German is limited. I don’t know any good insults, so I just said, ‘You are a little horse!’” Then he decided that “You are a child’s bed” would be slightly better, so he amended his insult to that. 

And of course, we talked about life a lot. And the etymology of the word “graffiti” (it’s Italian, with “graf” being the root, meaning “writing”). And how we’re both fascinated by graffiti on trains. And about how dreams often mean things. And how he’s trying to win his ex back. And about how I still have no idea what I need to do with my life. And a potential road trip this summer.

Yep. It was a good evening. I love having a friend.